Forget the army. I've joined the Maternal Reserves.

I have no new and exciting news to report. I just thought I should probably update at least once a week. The only new and slightly interesting development is my enlarging abdominal circumference. Its not baby yet. But I think it is a combination of the following: growing uterus (which begins stretching out the moment you get pregnant and feels very much like there is a tiny pizza maker in there who is tossing it about and stretching it with his knuckles), excess water retention, and--the inevitable--fat. Or as all the pregnancy books euphemistically refer to it, "maternal reserves."

"Maternal reserves" my ass. And I mean that literally. They have attached to my ass, as well as my no-longer-delicate waistline, with a few extra chunks thrown into my thighs for good measure. Those of you who know what size jeans I wear might find this all a bit hard to believe. But I assure you, there is no exaggeration here. After all, I will be 9 weeks on Wednesday (!!!). The fat accumulation has to start at some point.

In other news, I told two of my co-workers about my pregnancy over Mexican at lunch the other day. They were both thrilled and this confirmed that I had made a wise choice in telling them. Hell, I got better reactions out of them than some of my friends and family. Rachel (who is soon to be married) was interested in all the dirty pregnancy details. While Dylan, my gay friend, contributed his fantasies of what it will be like when he gets pregnant.

My next dilemma is when and how to tell my boss. Because inevitably the question after I announce my pregnancy will be, "And what do you plan to do after the baby is born?" I already have an answer, but I would like to withhold that information as long as possible. Unfortunately, my frequent doctor's visits and increasingly noticeable "bulge" might limit the time that I am able to remain "under cover."

In the meantime, I'll observe as all efforts are maximized on the "Maternal Reserve" front....and sides....and rear.